Afternoon at Fowl Manor
by jrfess
Summary: Welcome to Fowl Manor, were games are plentiful, players are deceitful, and chaos will almost certainly ensue. Up so far: Chess, Monopoly, Scrabble, Gran Turismo, Call of Duty
1. Chess

**So I'm back! With another awesome story! This one is Artemis Fowl Humor( hopefully), and it is about Artemis and Holly trying to play chess. So, enjoy.**

It is around noon on a bright sunny day that we find two people playing chess in the living room of the magnificent Fowl manor trying to play chess. Let's take a look shall we. One of the people, a boy, is arguing with the other.

"No! Holly! You can't just move your rook past all my pieces and call check!" the boy says.

"Why not, Artemis? I landed on an empty space!" said the girl, Holly.

"Because yo can't just move you're troops behind enemy line during a battle!" the boy, Artemis replied back

"If I teleport them I can!"

"What if it was broken?" questions Artemis.

"But it's not!"

"But what if it was?"

"But it's not!"

"Holly, I can't believe we're sitting here arguing like two year olds! It doesn't work because you can't cheat in real life!" shouts Artemis.

"But this isn't real life!" asked Holly.

"But this is meant to simulate real life!," replies Artemis.

"But it's a board game!" yells Holy.

"But it's a strategy game! You're meant to think about you're next move! You're ment to strategize!" answers Artemis.

Just then, they hear a noise downstairs, and Artemis goes to see what happened. Let's follow him, shall we?

It turns out Mulch had just passed gas, which is not a pleasant thing for anyone within a fifty yard radius, and Artemis is already smelling it. Having figured out what the noise was, he goes back up stairs.

Let's go see the end of this chess game, eh?

Artemis returns to their chess game and sees Holly sitting in her chair with a smug look on her face.

"Checkmate, Artemis," says Holly in a perfectly calm voice, although there is laughter dancing in her eyes.

Artemis studies the board in disbelief for a few seconds before realizing what has happened.

"Holly! You moved all the pieces! You can't do that!" shouts Artemis.

"Why not?" asks Holly.

"Because you can't just move all you're toops while under fire!" replies Artemis.

"I can if I tell them to!" Holly argues.

"Ugh!" groans Artemis, who throws up his arms and stalks out of the room, with Holly laughing behind him.

And that was an afternoon at Fowl Manor.

**So, another story done! Tell me how you like it! I thought it was pretty good, even though I wrote it in like half an hour.**

**Signing out,**

**Jrfess**


	2. Monopoly

**So, if you're reading this, you know that I've decided not to make this a one shot, so, enjoy the story. **

**Monopoly**

Welcome back to Fowl Manor. Are you ready to enjoy another fun game with Holly and Artemis? I am. Let's see what they are playing today, shall we.

Artemis and Holly are sitting at a table with the game Monopoly sitting between them. So far Artemis is winning, and not by a little bit either. Right now it's Holly's time to roll.

"Alright," she says, "Let's hope I roll matchers to get out of jail."

With that she shakes her hands and lets go of the dice. Watching intently. She grins with delight as she rolls a two, a three… and another two.

"Yah!" she cries. "I get out of jail! I rolled matchers!"

"First of Holly," starts Artemis, "they're called doubles, and why are there three dye."

"I pulled one out of my pocket," Holly says, moving her top hat down the board.

"You can't do that Holly," Artemis says.

"Why not Artemis," Holly asks.

"Well think of it this way," replies Artemis, "If you're cornered in a dark alley by a stranger, you can't just pull a gun out of you're pocket and fight him off."

"You can if it's small enough," Holly answers right back.

"Well how about this then, you can't just call in more troops in the middle of a battle," Artemis reasons.

"You can if you have a radio," Holly replies.

"Well… uh… how about this. What's the worst scenario you can think of?" Artemis askes.

"The worst case scenario I can think of is being chained up to the wall by Opal with all of my weapons taken away," Holly replies, almost without thinking.

"And you aren't able to free yourself and get all you're weapons back just by wishing for them, are you?" Artemis inquires.

"Of course not, Artemis," Holly answers.

"Then why would this be any different?" asks Artemis. "This is a game of strategy, Holly. You have to think about what you do, Holly."

"Well I don't feel like it right now," says Holly. "Before I came here I visited Mulch, and he decided a nice welcoming present would be to let his natural gases go right as I got there. He says it's a dwarf custom, but I'll never get that smell out of my nose."

And with that, she rolls the dice.

And this has been an afternoon at fowl manor.

**Like it! Hate it! I just want reviews, please! Oh, and I take requests on the games they play, although it won't always be Holly and Artemis.**

**Signing out,**

**Jrfessey**


	3. Scrabble

**Well, I'm back only a day after writing my last chapter… well it might be the same day, I wrote that chapter pretty late at night. Anyway, this idea is from Elie, so thank her. This is Artemis and Holly so, yah. It might be a little short.**

**Bingo**

Welcome back to Fowl Manor. Look across the lush, rolling fields and see the majestic building. In that building two people are playing scrabble and one of them is getting frustrated, _very _frustrated. Let's take a look, shall we?

Artemis and Holly are sitting on the lawn with the board game Scrabble in between them. On one end of the board Holly sits with a dictionary in her hands.

"Holly, just believe me when I say fogey is a word," Artemis says.

"Artemis, there is no way fogey is a word," says Holly.

Artemis watches in satisfaction as Holly gasps when she sees fogey in the dictionary.

"It can't be," she gasps.

"Well it is Holly," smirks Artemis, adding his score together.

Artemis watches as Holly puts down an o right below his g. Now it's his turn again. Next to her o, he puts down a d-i-c to spell odic.

"Artemis, odic is not a word!" exclaims Holly.

"Why don't you look it up in the dictionary then?" asks Artemis.

"Because I hate the dictionary right now!" replies Holly.

"Then take my word for it," says Artemis.

"Ugh," Holly groans, as she once again pulls out the dictionary.

After a full minute of searching she exclaims, "What! I can't believe odic is actually a word!"

"Well I guess it's you're turn now," says Artemis, tallying up his score trying very hard not to laugh while he was doing it.

"Alright," Holly practically grows. Off of his i she spells in.

Off of her n he spells naos.

"That is not a word, Artemis!" she exclaims.

"You want to look it up in the dictionary, Holly?" asks Artemis.

"Alright! Fine," she exclaims.

After a half a minute of vigorous dictionary flipping she shouts, "Unbelievable. Un-freaking-believable! Do you have a dictionary in your head or something, my God! Forget this! I'm going to go play that racing game on Playstation with Juliet and Butler!"

And with that she stalks off back into the house, leaving behind a hystericaly laughing Artemis. The final score when she walked off was 140 to35.

And this has been and afternoon at Fowl Manor.

**So, how'd you like it! Next chapter is the racing game, which one I don't know yet but whatever. After that chapter I'll be takinng requests. Just be warned, if you send in several, I might only get to one. This chapter actually took me awhile because I had to look up the rules for Scarbble because I've never played it before. So, yah.**

**Signing out,**

**Jrfess**


	4. Gran Turismo

**Third chapter up in one day, it's insanity. I'm going to be brain-dead by the time today is done. Anyway, this is going to be a racing game with Holly, Butler, and Juliet. So… enjoy.**

**Gran Turismo**

Another story, another afternoon at Fowl Manor. Let's see what games are being played in Fowl Manor, shall we?

Holly walks down the stairs and sees Juliet and Butler playing the new racing game Gran Turismo on the Playstation 3.

"Can I join?" asks Holly.

"Sure," Juliet and Butler say at the same time, and toss a controller at her.

She sits down and starts racing. At first it's really close, and then Juliet bumps into Butler, who crashes into Holly, and they both wipe out just as

"Come on!" yells Holly, while Butler just grimaces. "Why do I always lose!"

"Because you never win," replies Juliet.

Then they start a new game, a Juliet is winning again, this time without having to cause the other people playing to crash. Then Holly switches to another tactic: she starts talking.

"So, what's you're favorite movie?" asks Holly.

"Uh… the original Alien," replies Juliet. That small distraction proves enough for Juliet to crash into a railing, allowing Holly to pass her.

"Ugh! Holly, that's not fair!" exclaims Juliet, and Butler smiles as he also passes her.

Juliet growls and speeds up, bumping into the back of Butler's car, which swerves and crashes into Holly's car.

"NO!" Holly exclaims as she crashes and Juliet wins once again. "That's not freaking fair! I never win! UGH!"

Butler squeezes his controller out of frustration. He continues to squeeze, and squeeze, and squezze, and then… CRUNCH!

The controller shatters in his hands.

"Oops," he says.

"Man," groans Juliet, "That's, like, the fourth controller you've broken. There's no need to be such a sore loser."

"Sorry," grunts out Butler.

"That's okay," says Holly. "That just means you won't get to play the next game."

"You can say that," mumbles Juliet, " but you don't have to buy the new controllers _every time._"

Holly pulls out the new Call of Duty and slips it in the console.

And that was yet another afternoon at Fowl Manor.

**So… that's it, basically. I like all kinds of reviews, good or bad. I need ideas! I have next chapter planned out, but that's it! So… yah. **

**Signing out,**

**Jrfess**


	5. Call of Duty

So, this is my Call of Duty chapter, but after this, I'm all out of ideas, so if you could, please give me ideas. Please!

Call of Duty

**Once again, welcome to Fowl Manor, where games are won, and dreams are shattered. Let's see who get's beaten to day, shall we?**

**The man is walking through the town, checking all the windows, seeing if there is anyone laying in wait. He walks in one building, up the stairs, into the top room and… nothing. Absolutely nothing. He turns around and starts walking down the stairs when BOOM! **

**The man falls to the ground dead, as another man walks out of the closet carrying a shotgun.**

"**Hah!" shouts Holly. "Take that Butler! Way to die! Kiss my gun!" **

**Then the second man slumps down after a sharp CRACK! **

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screams Holly. "I had killed four in a row!"**

"**All of them Butler," replies Juliet, smirking, "And he doesn't count."**

"**What does that mean?" grumbles Butler.**

"**It means that even though in real life, you could find a way to make a man swallow his own foot whole while it's still attached to his leg," starts Juliet, "I this game you hit a boulder from five feet away with a rocket launcher."**

**CRACK!**

"**UGH!" screams Holly as she once again got killed by Juliet.**

"**One more kill until I get a nuke!" Juliet says, gloating.**

**Butler is smiling as he aims down his sights and then… BOOM!**

**The rocket butler just shot goes barreling towards her from across the room, five feet away to be exact, and then keeps going right out the window. Juliet smiles as she spins around… and then yells in frustration as there is a PataPataPata from the barrel of Holly's gun and she slumps down dead.**

"**AH!" Juliet screams. "I hate you Holly! I hate you! I was going to kill him and get a nuke! And now I don't even know where you were because you used a silencer! I hate you!" **

**Butler is just sitting there, shocked that he had actually missed Juliet from five feet away with a rocket launcher when he is startled back to reality by a quick knife to the back from Holly. Juliet and Butler share a quick look, and nod to each other. **

**Butler goes to the building where he had last seen Holly, and then runs upstairs, shooting all the way, while Juliet circles around back. Holly quickly dispatches Butler, but his job was done, Holly's attention was diverted from the other side of the building. Juliet charges up the stairs with her machine gun fully loaded. But Juliet forgets about one thing: claymores. With a BOOM! Juliet gets killed to. **

"**I can't belive it," whispers Juliet. "I didn't work."**

"**If only boulders were a lot bigger," gasps Butler.**

**Holly, being almost out of ammo, runs and picks up their guns. Then Holly prtends to wrap a bandana around her head, and then gets going. Over the next five minutes, Holly goes around the map on a killing spree, amassing countless kills. But it seems the game has been counting, because she sees a symbol pop up in the corner of her screen. **

"**Well you guys," Holly says, "This has been fun, but I'm afraid I'm done playing."**

"**You can't quit now!" exclaims Juliet.**

"**Oh, I'm not quitting," Holly replies, pushing a button. "I'm just winning."**

"**TATICLE NUKE INBOUND!" booms a voice from the game.**

"**NO!" Juliet shouts.**

**Butler glares.**

**Holly smirks.**

**And this has been another afternoon on Fowl Manor.**

**So seriously. I need ideas. Also, I might not be able to update for a while because I'm on vacation. I'm actually writing this on vacation, so I don't know when the next time I'll be able to update is. Maybe sometime during the weekend, I don't know. Thank you to these people who have reviewed at anytime during the story:**

**isac**

**The QAS**

**Imp90**

**Artemis Simpletoon**

**.71717**

**Andrew(reviewed twice)**

**justagirlwithideas**

**Ellie**

**Unknown**

**Readergirl99**

**ZeZe123**

**U.K.C.(My grandpa, he's awesome)**

**I fight I win**

**Those were all the positive reviewers. Now it's time for some negative reviewers****L:**

**Beckett Simpleton**

**mischievous101**

**A Moment Of Sincerity**

**AznLee**

**So those were all negative reviewers, but I haven't gotten any negative reviews since the first chapter( which I've just revised) so that leaves two options: A) I have gotten better at writing this story, or B) they've just stopped reading it. I hope it's the second one. Vote for which one you think is right in the poll on my profile.**

**Signing Out,**

**Jrfess**


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